Thoughts

Recently I've been thinking a lot about my future. Work, love, dream... Life.

Probably because I'm not satisfied with my work. I went into the business world this year with lots of ambition. I really wanted to work, I had my dream. However, I was put into totally different position I wanted to be in. I was so shocked and upset when I knew the fact but I thought I should at least give it a try cause I might like it. So I was doing Accounting this past few month. My job is a great place to learn about how money works, see the company as a whole, and about Japanese organization. I think Accounting is very important in business world so I don't mind learning it. Actually, I'm appreciating for giving me a chance to study Accounting.

Also, there are advantages (and of course disadvantages) working for big company. You have a secure life and salary, have long vacation 3 times a year (which is impossible if you work in Japan and I love that cause I love to travel) But, but....

Anyway, what I want to say is, this is not what I want to do.
I'm not sad but not happy either. I am not using my advantages at all. I know my strength and I want to make the most of it but what I'm doing right now, it doesn't have to be me. I think other people can do it better than me. I don't know why I was put in this position, what my company wants from me, but above all, company's convinience comes first in a big organization. So even I hope and wait till I can change position, there's no guarantee you can do what you want to do, and worse is that you might be transfered to countryside office where you never wanna go. Now I am willing to work hard but don't have the motivation to continue my current job...

I talked to some people about this recently. Some say "mottainai", which means it's too good to quit this job. Maybe they're right but what's the meaning if you're not enjoying your life? I also talked to people who are doing what they want to do. It might be tough but they were having their life. If you like it and that's what you want to do, then you can do it no matter how hard it is. I was also talking to a friend who started a cafe resturant last year which was his dream. He advised me, "List up everything what I want to do, your future dreams to even very very small things. Then, think ways to achieve all those goals. This will give you hints to your next step." So I did. and to think of it, my current job was too far from my goal. Off the track.

I just remembered when I was in Spain, one said "this is life!" on a boat, enjoying the sunshine, surrounded by people who you love. "yes, it sure is." I said.

You only live once. Live life.